Sunday, September 4, 2011


These are some updates for those who are hard-gainers. I went for a follow-up visit to monster doktor, and here are some tips he had for me. Of course, you should always seek the advice of a medical doktor, and I am in no way telling you what course of action to take. These are merely notes about the course of action I am taking. Your situation may differ and might require a different course of action.

  • Making your own protein shakes sounds great on paper, but there are a lot of logistics involved that can actually act as a deterrent for drinking them religiously. Also, they are not balanced nutrition and tend to be dairy rich. Rather, get some Nestle Boost high protein drinks or Ensure--drink 2-4 per day.
  • Drink at least 2 litres of water daily (8 glasses per day). The human body is over 70% water, so drink plenty of water. Do not drink caffeinated beverages-they speed up the metabolism
  • Eat every 2 hours, 6 times daily.
  • Eat 3 cups vegetables per day and 3 pieces of fruit per day at a minimum.
  • Take 1 vitamin/ 3 times daily with water. Use EV 24/7 for best results.
I would also like to add that going to a buffet like Golden Corral after work out is a cost-saving strategy. The food offered is a balanced mix of the food groups.

Also, to re-emphasize:
  • Rome was not built in a day. Take it day by day. Be consistent. Focus on the process.
  • If you can gain 1/2lb-1lb per week, then that is great progress.
  • Set a personal goal for your ideal weight, with the guidance of a doktor, of course. Mine is 200lb. So far I've gained 20lb. Remember, you can do it, and stick with it!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


Admittedly, when I first got into this...I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, especially in regard to pacing myself, knowing my limitations, and listening to my body.  The hard lessons learned were the result of an injury, but it was a lesson learned, nonetheless. "That which does not kill me only makes me stronger."

These are some of the lessons I learned throughout this process:

  1. Create a realistic work out routine. The body needs time to recover from the last workout, and if you do go back to back days, then you probably did not get a good work out prior. If I do go back-to-back days, then I make sure to work muscle groups I did not work the previous day. 
  2. Focus on weaknesses and root them out systematically. For example, my bench press is weak. To remedy it I need to do more chest work/shoulder work, such as Swiss ball push-ups, dips, and front military presses (because my shoulders wobble too much during a bench press movement).
  3. Nurture strengths. Areas of excellence are not excellent enough. My strengths are the one-armed deadlift and the leg press. So I continually challenge myself and add more weight.
  4. Go until failure. For instance, we did Scott curls (aka, preacher curls) the other day until failure. I did leg presses until failure. Calve raises until failure. Bench presses until failure. Shrugs until failure. Upright rows until failure. You get the point. "Grow or Die," as Kubik says. Pain is weakness escaping the body.
  5. This is not going to be pretty. There will be a lot of embarrassment, sputtering, teeth-clenching, straining, aching, yelling, cussing, and general controlled mayhem. To make an omelet you have to break some eggs, as Lenin said.  "This is it. Fuck it. It is what it is."

Monday, July 11, 2011



I saw a monster doktor last Thursday, and he had some great advice for my whole weight gain regimen. (I am not a doctor. I am not giving YOU medical advice. Go see your own doctor, and follow his or her advice. If need be, get a second opinion. Use your fucking brain, etc.)

Firstly, I am up fourteen pounds since I started all of this. McCallum's shake, rice balls, and chankonabe are the culprits. The monster doktor told me that if I gain 1lb per week, then that would be 52lb per year. He also told me that when it comes to your ideal weight, your genetic background is a great reference. For instance, my father is about six foot six inches and weighs about 200lb.  I'm only an inch taller than my father, so my ideal weight would be about anywhere from 180-205lb. I'm shooting for 205lb, so at least I have validated my own research by talking to a professional.  But wait, it's not all fun and games! There will be blood tests to check my cholesterol levels, etc. and a follow-up visit in 4 weeks, before which I have to document what I eat for 7 days to give monster doktor an idea of what's going on.

I have to stop using caffeine, processed sugar, and artificial sweeteners.  My layman understanding of these doktor orders are that said sugars, etc. speed up the metabolism, whereas I already have a fast metabolism.  (Some, who will remain unnamed here, have argued that processed sugars are making Americans into a bunch of pansies, but I digress.)  Needless to say, honey and raw sugar are all I can have. So if you are wondering, Yes, I cannot consume the McCallum Get Big Shake anymore, because it is loaded with sugar.

The monster doktor said I can just mix skim milk with protein powder (whey) and keep on eating healthy foods in large quantities.  In my case, that will be chankonabe, onigiri, fruits, nuts, vegetables, etc.

Also, weight gain goes straight to your mid section a lot of the times, so this should be done responsibly so that one won't end up looking like the typical overweight Amerikan. My understanding is that if you exercise regularly and eat a lot, there will be more muscle mass gained than fat. When you go to the beach, you do want to feel good about yourself, so all things in moderation.  I don't want to gain weight at the expense of my looks, so I added a lot of cardio and ab work into my regimen.

Anyway, to all the hard gainers out there. This is not rocket science.  I wish you all the best, and don't give up. 

Monday, July 4, 2011


I mentioned these a while back. My training partner showed them to me, and they are an exercise Arnold espoused for arm work. I was thinking that one could go really heavy on the bottom position  half curl and do "forced reps," then lighten up for the other two movements. It's 7, 7, and 7; thus the name 21s.

Check out the video: 21s

Thursday, June 16, 2011


OK, so I am on top of the world now. The Bruins are the best team in hockey!  Now, I can get back to business.

First order of business: eating.  Operation Human Monster costs a TON of money, so unless you are really affluent, read further. I shop like an old Jewish woman.  I mean this in the most flattering way possible to old Jewish women. I used to work in a grocery store, and they had every angle figured out on getting the best possible deal.  So that is my mindset when I shop: old Jewish woman.  Extreme couponing does not really apply to the foodstuffs necessary for Operation Human Monster, but the money you save on other crap can blow up your food budget. So I practice extreme couponing on lots of things, especially anti-inflammatories like Motrin or Aleve (believe me, you will need Motrin or Aleve at some point in time if you go hard and heavy).  If you live in the southern United States, Southern Savers is your friend.  They explain everything so that I do not have to.

Regarding the actual food stuffs, here is the weekly grocery list so that you can begin to fathom how much money this costs:

  • 35 eggs (save yourself time and boil the eggs at the beginning of the week)
  • 14 quarts of non-fat milk
  • 28 tablespoons peanut butter
  • 14 cups skim milk powder
  • 21 servings protein powder
  • 7 pints ice cream
  • 7 bananas (I get the ones that are 35 cents in the produce section that are close to over-ripe)
  • 28 tablespoons malted milk powder (Carnation can be found in the grocery store)
  • 42 tablespoons corn syrup
  • 35 slices bread
  • 35 slices cheese
  • 42 slices cold cuts
  • 5.25 lb meat
  • 14 servings vegetables
  • 7 servings fruit
In previous blogs I listed Strossen's diet and McCallum's shake.  I am using McCallum's shake and Strossen's diet to compile the grocery list.  Here is one simple strategy: look at the circulars before they are effective and carry them to a single store that will match their competitors' prices.  On stuff that won't spoil quickly, like peanut butter, back up a truck if it is buy one get one free.  For vegetables, garden if you can. Eggs and milk are going to kill your bank account, so good luck.

Second order of business: logistics.  Half of this is preparation.  I prepare the shakes for the day each morning in a huge batch, then store it in a portable GALLON container, which I carry to work and drink throughout the day. Yes, GALLON container.  I boil up a huge batch of eggs at the beginning of the week, then I carry them with me for breakfast and snacking.  For sandwiches, I just store up what I need for the week at work, then make them as I eat lunch or snack.  If you don't have a refrigerator at work, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe use a cooler with reusable ice packs? 

Third order of business: lifting iron.  I used to do way too much when I went to the gym, but now I have modified my approach and spaced things out.  Here is the general idea: four on, three off.

For example:


  • Squats 1x20
  • Pullovers 1x20
  • Shrugs 1x20
  • Standing behind-the-neck presses 3x8
  • Upright rows 3x8


  • Bench presses 3x8
  • Curls 3x8
  • Reverse curls 3x8
  • Nose-breakers 3x8
  • One-armed dead lifts (1x15 per arm)



  • Bench presses 3x8
  • Leg presses 3x8
  • Pull-downs 2 sets of 25 reps
  • Leg raises 2 sets of 25 reps
  • Arnold's 21s for arm work (look it up)
  • Hammer curls 3x8
  • Inclined triceps work 3x8

  • 20 squats
  • 20 pullovers
  • 15 bent-over rows
Saturday & Sunday REST DAYS

That's just a brief sketch, but as you can see, I am cramming a lot of exercise into one week, then resting as necessary.  Good luck with your training.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


I am going to be out of pocket until the Stanley Cup Championship is over. I.e., I will be glued to the set, chomping at the bit for Boston to own Vancouver, like the last time we played them.  I'm taking a "Paschall pause" and focusing all energy on the Cup. Black and Gold never quit!

When I return I am going to go Howard Hughes on the logistics of Operation Human Monster. This is one hell of an endeavor to put it lightly, and the weight gain portion has to be as regular as clockwork to have any effect. The exercise is easier than the eating, i.e. I'll be detailing extreme couponing, prep work, and realistic foods that are healthy and affordable. I wish you all happy work outs until then.    

That is all.

Sunday, May 29, 2011


I'm not one to re-invent the wheel, so as far as grip work is concerned, I direct you to Brooks Kubik's DINOSAUR TRAINING and John Wood's web page:

I can testify to the fact that one-armed deadlifts and power holds have made it to where people do not want to shake hands with me. No, it's no because I am an asshole. Ha. Ha.