STRAIGHT EDGE RAZOR

A razor has a straight edge. Even a dull razor can kill you.  So where would drugs and alcohol fit into Operation Human Monster? They don't! I want to become a MONSTER, not a sot or a junkie! Plus, money diverted to shit like drugs and alcohol would cut into my food and gym money!  


First of all, illicit drugs are illegal. So messing around with illicit drugs, including the associated negative health problems, can deprive you of your non-jail personal time. Notice I do not use silly, highfalutin words like "freedom." Ever been to jail? Yeah, get back to me about how cool drugs are after spending a night in the clink. 


As for alcohol, I can think of nothing more deleterious to a workout program.  Alcohol is for getting women drunk who normally would not sleep with you, and forgetting about ugly women you would not normally sleep with the morning after you wake up next to Brunhilda. My method has always been to buy the pretty women who would not normally sleep with me copious amounts of their preferred alcoholic beverage, whilst I nurse a Perrier or Coke.  Hey, I don't argue with results.


As for chewing tobacco and cigarettes. Heinrich Heine said, he would move to Amerika, but the thought of people who chewed tobacco frightened him. Exactly. Ever seen the teeth of someone who dips? Your teeth are the first thing people notice when you smile, and a smile is a man's most powerful weapon for charming people. So, no chewing tobacco for me.  Smoking tobacco is even stupider. Do I really have to catalogue the health problems that come with this nasty habit?  Well, I will. Weightlifting requires a LOT of heavy breathing.  Consuming smoking tobacco will throw a helluva monkey wrench into that spoke! Try doing twenty squats with your ten rep max if you are a heavy smoker. They might as well chisel your tombstone over by the power rack.


Seriously, though, if you are a physical culturalist, it is a no-brainer to NOT consume beverages that lower your inhibitions, dehydrate you, and generally make you lazy. It is a no-brainer to avoid activities that could steal your non-jail personal time.  It is a no-brainer to not consume shit that is a pesticide (tobacco), and will ruin your lungs, teeth, and gums --not to mention hoards of other VITAL organs, like your HEART. 


So as a categorical imperative: no illicit drugs; no alcohol; no tobacco. Not for me, anyway.